Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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