This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
