hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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