I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
