Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
