I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
