I cockslap morals
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
