Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
