but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
