it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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