He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
