Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
