Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
