Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
