My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
