the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
