i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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