I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
