We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
