I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
