i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
