If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
