No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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