Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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