I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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