i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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