when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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