we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
