I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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