Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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