just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
