I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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