ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
