just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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