I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
