Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
