mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
