She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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