she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
