I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
