your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
