Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
