I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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