I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
