i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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