my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
