A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
