Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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