guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
