So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
