i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
