me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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