Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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