Sponge bath it is.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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