DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
