Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have fence marks all over my body
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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