Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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