absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
