I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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