When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
