remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
