I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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