you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
