South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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