she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
