You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
