I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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