Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
