I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When are your genitals available?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
