he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
