Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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