Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
