Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
