i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
